I believe the mind has a way of pressing the RECORD BUTTON when we experience extreme joy or extreme pain.
 
These memories are the ones that outlast the others for years and take up permanent residence in the brain. The good memories show up with the first instance of quiet warm thought or spending time with someone can trigger them to make us smile.
 
But what about the bad ones……
The bad memories, however; are filed way in the back. You know in a cabinet that remains locked, never to be opened inside of a vault with a heavy door and a secret combination on the outside; maybe a chain around it and……..okay you get the picture.
 
What happens when those memories are forgotten for so long, stuffed away…….and something traumatic happens or something we see on the news and our mind awakens to that memory. What then?
 
We are forced to see a mental picture of the thing, RELIVE it for a second, freak out, and tuck it back away, hidden back in the mind. At least this was me. This is my process of how I dealt with my past.

This began to happen more frequently as I grew older and I couldn’t stuff them away as much as I used to. I was bothered by them and I became curious about answers to “WHY did this happen to me?” I thought I could figure it all out. (sigh)

What if, when those memories give voice again, we take them out and open the file completely and sift through the memory. FIRST, I agree there is a RIGHT TIME to do this and with a friend, if need be. We were made for one another for support.
For me personally, I was the most alone in the world that I thought I could be most of these times. (by the way, never believe the things you tell yourself when you are down and alone) But I was not, I had God and I was too blind to see those people that loved me. I had stuffed bad memories for so long, they became heavy to carry another step. They left doubt, questions, lies, hurt, anger, all kinds of emotions in me. What I did not realize, was it kept me from commitment, trust, security, and other things that would tend to sabotage my happiness, my relationship, my peace, my self worth.
So I began my healing through dealing with them head on when they came up. I sat alone with God and then shared with someone, that is what I did. And it wasn’t even the same person, random mostly. See I had trust issues.
 
We all have a recorder in our brains, our eyes cannot unsee what they have seen. We all have the ability to stuff things away as if they did not happen……
 
For me, those traumatic events in my life needed reconciled. 
I came to the crossroad where I had to choose,
I did not want to be haunted by these memories anymore. Tormented by unforgiveness.

Letting go and holding on as a choice

When I would sit down and open this file and sift through the contents of what happened, there was something I never noticed before! REVELATION! Someone said or did something, or something just plain happened that gave me a check in the spirit and made me stop in my tracks, as that moment it penetrated my heart. ❤️ That revelation gave me enough to see it in truth and wholeness and put that thing away and move on. There I found the seed of healing that needed watered.
In the middle of that chaos, this seed was planted! When I went back, searched, and found it in each one of those memories, it set me free to let go. It is there, a point of pivot, that allowed you to move forward. Remember what it was. Take that seed, remember, and water it.
You are a survivor. You are an overcomer. You can stop holding on, stuffing and carry that weight around with you. Seek it out, find the seed and water it, by remembering that you were able to more forward once before, that cannot hold you back any longer.
My friend, I am still coming to the crossroad (although not as often), choosing the door on the left, and feeling a little lighter on life’s highway. Remember, you are not alone and stronger than you think. This takes time but being healthy and free is worth the cultivation of every seed of healing you discover and water. Before you realize it, you will have an entire green field in harvest overflowing with good fruit.
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